THE GOOD NEWS: The lump is just a sebacious cyst. Granted, it got large quickly, but it isn’t infected (which is why there was never any pain connected with it). We just keep an eye on it. It will probably be as active as Clueless Wonder on a slow day (i.e. it’s just going to sit there and do nothing the rest of my life).
THE BAD NEWS: We can say this one in a single word. Colonoscopy.
My life sucks.