Discoveries.

1) I was given a nice bottle of California Merlot for Christmas. Merlot is not my favorite, though I will drink it happily when it is a gift. I have discovered that a generous wedge of lime squeezed into a glass of Merlot miraculously turns it into something that rather transcends description. Of course, it may well be that it transcends description because I’ve had three glasses right now. I’d be working on my fourth except that I have an oversized grey Kitten on my lap that I choose not to disturb at the moment.

2) There is nothing so calming as an animal that decides to put its complete trust in you. Take, for example, the aforesaid oversized grey Kitten on my lap. She wakes up only when she senses she’s going to have her picture taken for the sake of cuteness. The dangling camera strap is tantamount to an instant wake up call. Remove the camera strap, and said kitten returns to sleep. I exist for her pleasure. I rather like that. There is something in the world that I can please 100%, that trusts me implicitly regardless of the number of times I lose patience with it, that loves me so unconditionally it makes my heart hurt sometimes. Then again, it could just be the wine talking.

3) On Trust: I’ve decided that I don’t trust too much. I expect too much. I am the Turtle, from the fable of the Snake and the Turtle.

“Carry me across the river,” asked the Snake of the Turtle. “I cannot swim, but you are planning to swim across anyhow, and could carry me.” “No,” said the Turtle, “for you are a Snake, and would bite me, and then I would die.” “I will not bite you,” said the Snake. “I cannot swim, and would drown when you died.” The Turtle bows to the logic of the Snake, and allows the Snake to climb upon her back. She begins to cross the river, with the Snake wrapped firmly about her shell. At the midpoint of the river, the Snake strikes, biting the Turtle on the neck. “Why have you bitten me?” cries the Turtle as she sinks beneath the water. “I will die and you will drown.” “I could not help myself, said the Snake. “I am a Snake. How could you expect differently of me?”

I will always be the Turtle. That does not mean that I will always give the Snake a ride. But then again, that could be the wine talking.

4) On Friendship: There is no definable line between acquaintance and friend. Friends are who I say they are. It comes from the gut. It comes from the heart. My brain, which has proved untrustworthy in the past anyhow, gets little say in the matter. If my subconscious decides to extend Friendship your way, you’re stuck with me. It has nothing to do with whether or not I’ve met you face to face. It has nothing to do with whether you have a perfect track record with life, the universe, and everything. It has nothing to do with where you live, how well you spell, or whether or not your politics match mine. It has to do with whether or not I believe that you are Snake, who would strike me down mid-river.

I have recently had encounters with two Snakes, who would elect to strike mid-river rather than agree to be carried across. They cannot help themselves. They are Snakes. It does not mean they are unworthy of friendship. It merely means they won’t have my friendship. Or my trust. One is reading this, and knows of whom I speak. The other knows nothing of a Salamander Turtle, and it will stay that way. It doesn’t matter if you know my philosophy, or understand it. Frankly, I could care less. I only care whether or not you understand me if you are my friend.

I rather doubt that is the wine talking.

5) On Hate:It was called to my attention today that somebody believes I hate them. That is laughable. To hate, you have to care. I don’t give a shit about you. That is not the wine talking.

6) I believe I’ll have another glass of wine: Please excuse me a second.

7) What is worth getting upset about?: The electoral college, which allows a president to be elected with a minority of votes – that’s worth getting upset about. Injustice, which allows a rich man with lots of lawyers and prime time television exposure to go free while a poor man languishes in jail until DNA testing finally proves him innocent (and even then he has to wait to be released) – that’s worth getting upset about. People who fail to see animals as living, feeling creatures and abuse and mistreat them – that’s worth getting upset about. Somebody who hurts people I regard as friends – that’s worth getting upset about. A private meeting place for friends that is coopted by someone with an agenda, whose persistently ill-researched missives and hyperbolic rhetoric are aimed at antagonizing the very people that he claims to be attempting to convert to his point of view – that is worth getting upset about. Being told to go “fuck myself” – I have my pride; that is worth getting upset about. Kittens who simply do not understand that my mother’s irreplaceable Baleek teacup is not a play toy – let it slide. The Baleek doesn’t love you. Your mother would have loved the Kitten. Let it slide. A man who loves you so much that he blanches at the mere thought of losing you … who loves you so much that he comes to bed and wants to hold you and talk to you and understand you … a man whose problems render down to occasional lapses in courtesy and thoughtfulness. Let it slide, Salamander, let it slide.

There is someone in the world that I can please 100%, who trusts me implicitly regardless of the number of times I lose patience with him, who loves me so unconditionally it makes my heart hurt sometimes. Let the rest slide, Salamander.

The wine has truth in it.