Friendship closes its eyes.

‘Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes.”

-English Proverb-

I ran across that quote the other day, while researching something totally irrelevant to it. For some reason, it stuck with me. I’ve had reason to contemplate friendship over the past few days. But I’ll get back to that later.

I have learned over the years that different people expect different things from friendship. There’s nothing wrong with that. Some people need the harmony of having another person who shares their every opinion and taste, both reinforcing their lives and reassuring them they are not alone. Others do best with an opposite who complements their strengths and weaknesses, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting together nearly seamlessly. That’s the whole point of friendship. It works on a personal level. It doesn’t have to be the same for everyone.

I think I’m somewhere in between those two extremes. The people I get along best with have many things in common with me, but are not my clones. They may read different books, enjoy different music, live different lifestyles. I expect that they should have portions of their lives separate from mind, and indeed I’m glad they do. It makes them far more well-rounded, and takes the onus off of me to be their constant companion/confident/babysitter. My best friends often go for weeks or even months at a time without contacting me (or me contacting them). When we do get in touch, there’s always doings to discuss and notes to compare. I like it that way.

Back to the quote. It was something I’d never put into words, but knew in my bones, and in my heart. “Love is blind.” Love cannot see the faults. Everything is there, in its place, for a reason. There are no flaws with love, just beauty marks. Pure love cannot protest, because it sees no reason to. Or so the poets would have it. That may be sheer exaggeration on the poets’ part, but it is based on a very real kernel of truth. There is at least an element in every love that relies on “love is blind”. [I further interject here that love may be blind, but it isn’t stupid. Push things far enough, and love will go out and replace its rose-colored glasses with corrective lenses. One dare not rely on love’s blindness to keep a relationship together.]

“Friendship closes its eyes.” That’s the difference between friendship and love. Love can’t see the blemishes; friendship chooses not to dwell on them. It is an unconscious reflex with love, and a purposeful decision with friendship. It might be just the mood I’m in at the moment, but I found this to be profound.

I don’t require friends to meet or beat expectations. All I require is someone with whom I can communicate. Someone who listens to what I say, understands me the best they can, and is willing to exchange a level of confidential intimacy with me. I specify “a level”, because a friend can withhold information from me and still be a friend. Establishing a friendship has much to do with comfort levels.

Friendships are malleable over time. They change as the people change. They get stronger, or weaker. As trust is established, firmer friendships form. As paths diverge, friendships become more a thing of gossamer and light. The important thing is that the friendship remains, in whatever form. That is enough for me.

Those who know me know I was desparately sick about five years ago. At that time, the friends of my life circled their wagons around me in time honored fashion. It took me quite by surprise then, how many people there were to respond to me when I needed and could not give in return. As alluded to earlier in this entry, I’ve had cause to think on that this week. There is a good chance that I may be finding myself once again in a position of needing when I cannot give in return. The prospect scares the crap out of me. But, should it become necessary, I know my friends will get me through this. And that’s the single biggest comfort I have, and the single biggest comfort I could hope for.

Enough said.

Similar Posts

8 Comments

  1. before i say i’m not worthy to comment on this beautiful and thought provoking entry….i’m going to take a moment out to weep like a grandmother.

    and then…..i’m going to note that yesterday, i was thinking of my relationship with provasik and how brother/sister and mother/son (it’s more of the latter) it is at times. some people might find that icky, but i like the unconditional aspects of such a relationship. i prefer to feel a familial bond with my partner that isn’t based on expectations.

    sigh, anyway……i hope i can meet my own expectations of not letting you down.

  2. I know it’s hard for cyber friends to be of any actual help when you’re sick, but just know that we are thinking of you and wishing you well.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *