A bit about Salamander.
● I am divorced. In retrospect, I probably should have never married. The marriage lasted nearly 21 years, but endurance is no measurement of quality. At the point I’m at in my life now, I think it fair to say I never intend to marry again. I respect anyone who has never married by choice. I wish I’d been that intelligent, but I wasn’t. So be it.
● I live in a smallish apartment. Some might even be tempted to say “tiny”, especially considering the mass of possessions I have attempted to cram into it. “A size nine foot in a size seven shoe” would not be an unfair description. Among my most prized possessions are my cats. I had hopes that, at age 45, I might have achieved more than this. I haven’t. So be it.
● I returned to school in my mid-thirties. I was in school for a little over six years, most of that time as a full time student. I was not a 4.0 student. I wasn’t even a 3.8 student. I scrambled for my 3.2, and was in the bottom third of my class upon graduation. I sweated blood for that 3.2, though. So be it.
● I go through periods where my mood is pretty black. I went through a bad one last fall, and another one somewhat more recently. I try to keep my entries upbeat, even when I’m feeling like death, doom and destruction are imminent. The really depressive entries I keep on “Private”. That’s not particularly honest of me, I know. I admire people who can, in the anonymity of the Dear Diary setting, put everything out in the open for people to read and respond to. I don’t seem to have that kind of courage. So be it.
Thanks for the info. I enjoy knowing about the people I read about.
Hey you were pretty honest today!
Sounds to me like you put a lot out on the table for others to see and hope you feel the weight of it leaving you.
ladi
🙂
you sure sound fine to me. we all do what we need to do, it’s keeping our integrity while doing it that keeps us sane.
My black moods were solved when my doc put me on an antidepressant. My new mantra is "I love my Welbutrin"…
Except for the divorce and feelings about marriage, it sounds like I am where you were a handful of years ago.
Alli
You sound like a very strong person to me.
It takes a brave person to go off on their own after 21 years of marriage, and endure through 6 years of vet school. That in itself is a big "Gold Star."
Your apartment sounds cozy, and you have the professor in your life. Maybe he is bad about dishes, but in the scheme of things, it sounds like you two enjoy each other.
At 47, I sometimes wonder: Where did my life go? Being back in school has made me very aware of wasted time. My identity got lost in the role of wife and mom.
((Cheer up))
PS: I have been to lazy to do a notify list.
It’s OK to hide the really "dark" moments. You’d only make us worry {{S}}
BTW, I predict you will crack the top ten by this summer ;o)
Courage has more than one face. 🙂
You shouldn’t be hard on yourself for what you have or don’t have, what you’ve done and not done. Would ya believe I envy you for what you have in life that I don’t and probably never will.
Good to know :).
my moods are more of a dark grey since wellbutrin, but that’s better than pitch black!
i loved this entry, sal 😉
somehow it has more to do with the journey and treasures found along lifes pathway, wisdom learnt, especially during the dark times, than the ‘life status’ achieved
an honourable character is of greater value than gold and outlasts all others material things
take care
Thanks for sharing the info about yourself.
From reading your diary I see you as a person with a lot of accomplishments.
froggy