The Credit Card Story.

OK, I used to bank at C.S. Bank. In the nineties, C.S. Bank contributed to a huge sports/entertainment complex that was built in the city near me. It was called the C.S. Center, and everybody was happy.

Then F.U. came in and bought out C.S. I am not making this up, that is the bank’s real initials. There was talk about renaming the entertainment complex the F.U. Center, but the chicken-hearted paled at the ramifications, and so they called it the F***** U******* Center. Which is a mouthful, but what the heck. Social propriety was maintained.

When my bank got bought out, I got dragged over to the new bank. I was still married at the time (Interesting, when I first typed that, I typed “marred”. Freudian, I suppose), and the spouse took care of all the finances, which was fine by me. Well, mostly fine, but that’s not the story I want to tell. We got new checks, a bunch of new account numbers, and everybody was happy, although a little disappointed they didn’t rename the complex the F.U. Center.

Then I got divorced. And because I knew this bank, and because they had a branch office in my workplace, I stuck with them. Convenience … it will be the death of me. I should have taken heed of the warning signs early on.

I opened my new accounts (savings and checking) with ten bucks in each. I arranged for automatic deposit of my paycheck into my savings account. I told F.U. that I wouldn’t be depositing anything beyond the $10 in my checking account for a couple of months. I wondered if I’d incur any charges because of the low balance. They said no. They neglected to tell me that they’d be automatically deducting the cost of my new checks (which was never quoted to me, and which I foolishly assumed would be free because I had a “free” checking account) within the week. In no time at all, I had a negative balance in my checking account, along with a $25 fee for overdrawing my account. I, being who I am, blamed that one on myself. Surely they mentioned it, and I simply forgot. Served me right. It wasn’t until the The Professor opened an account at the same bank and they pulled the same trick on him that I realized that this was simply a quick way for the bank to make $25 on new customers. (The Prof was smart. He complained and got his overdraft charge back.) But I digress.

About a year after I opened my new account, I decided that I’d like the ease of online banking. It was free, I spent 75% of my waking hours at a computer terminal anyhow, and I wouldn’t have to run out to the bank all the time for stuff. There’s that ugly convenience word again.

I signed up on-line for the on-line banking access. It was remarkably easy to do, and I found it great at bill paying time. I could keep the minimum possible in my checking and merely transfer what I needed to cover my checks over as required. I could also pay off my F.U. credit card online. No stamp, and I could wait until the last minute to do it, so I didn’t have to give up any centabos before I needed to. Then, a few days after I signed up for the on-line access, I noticed two accounts that were not mine displaying alongside my accounts when I did inquiries. Huh?

Don’t get me wrong. I liked those anonymous accounts. They had a hell of a lot more money in them than mine did. But I rather suspected that whoever they belonged to might be a bit miffed if I transferred a little of their money over to my side of the fence. I was more than suspected that after I belatedly realized they were my ex-husband’s accounts!

The dimbulbs at F. U. actually had the system set up so that I could access my ex-husband’s accounts on line because my social security number had once been associated with the accounts! I alerted F. U. (I can only say again that yes, that really is their initials) and the ex, and I do have to admit that things got fixed with lightning speed. Everybody was not happy, but at least it was fixed.

[Don’t worry, I’m getting to the credit card part of the story. Bear with me.]

The months passed, and everything finally seemed to be settling down. The Professor’s bank card got eaten at one ATM machine, but other than that nothing really seemed to be going wrong. And then W. Bank came in and bought out F.U. Bank.

And I, of course, stayed on, because it was convenient. Yup, there’s that word again, folks. Convenience. Be forewarned, the road to Hell is not paved with good intensions. It is cobblestoned with Convenience.

I got information from F.U./W a year ago warning … I mean, telling me of the switch over. Same great service, same great locations, same (not so great) hours, yadda, yadda, yadda. I didn’t read the fine print. Yes, I know, I know. But it was inconvenient. I was staying with them anyhow, so what did I care what the cheerleaders they hired to do their P.R. had to say? I was never much for cheerleaders anyhow. Too much pom-pom, too little brain and even less morals. Yes, yes, that too should have tipped me off. Maybe everybody wasn’t happy, but F.U. apparently was. I digress yet again.

Then, a few months ago, F.U.’s office where I worked closed down. They brought in another bank, C. Bank. And I figured that THEY were going to be more convenient than F.U., so I made arrangements to switch my checking and savings. I didn’t switch my credit card, which was also through F.U. To be honest, I never thought of it.

A week ago, I get a Platinum Visa card. “The hell,” I said to myself. I told those telemarketers over the phone I wasn’t interested in a platimum Visa card (it had an annual service fee, while my humble Gold card was free, free, free). I set it aside, intending to call the credit card company that issued it and ream them a new one later. Later that day, when I read the freaking fine print (and since when did I need reading glasses anyhow?) I discover it is my own beloved F.U./W who has issued me this card. And who is now informing me to destroy my old card with the different number because it’s no longer any good, and to immediately start using this new card (after activating it, of course).

Uh, there’s a problem here, kids. I have a few things that I have automatically billed straight to my Visa. “Immediate” is just a little too fast to get things turned around. So I stewed for a few days, and then called the idiots at W. Credit Card Society to give them a piece of my mind. I realize I can ill-afford to give anyone a piece of my mind, but it obviously wasn’t serving me well in any other capacity, so I figured maybe I could use it as a weapon.

The service representative was a bit snide. I could tell that I wasn’t the only one who had called to complain about this particular problem that day. In true automaton style, she informed that that I had been informed last year that this was going to happen.

WHAT?

And what exactly was I supposed to have done about it? You still cut off my credit card with no notice, lady. I don’t care that I’ve been upgraded. Explain that to my creditors when they start wondering what happened to the card I said I’d pay them with.

No, I didn’t say that. I thought that, but I didn’t say it. Faced with two choices, none and zilch, I opted for zilch. I figured I’d activate the new card because I needed a credit card, and then get myself a newer card at a place that didn’t piss me off so much.

So I called the toll-free number to activate my Platinum Card. A fully automated system answered, which didn’t surprise me. Why pay a person to be snippy when a computer can do it for free for you? I dutifully punched in the last four digits of my card. I then waited through (no lie) over five minutes of advertisements as they attempted to induce me to buy into their credit insurance program. I had plenty of time to wonder how many people hit “1” for further information out of sheer boredom. Finally the advertisements ceased and the nice computer came back to inform me that they had verified that I was calling from the phone number that they had on file for me, and my card was now active. They TRACED MY CALL!

Exc-u-u-u-u-u-u-se me? And what would have happened if I’d activated from work? Or my cell phone? They’d given absolutely no instructions on the card that I had to call from home. If I was pissed before, I was livid now. Everybody is expressly not happy.

I’ve been F.U.’d for the last time. If anyone has any experience with good credit card company, I’m entertaining suggestions.