Live and let Liver.
First, and foremost, thank-you to everyone who left me a message or sent me an e-mail enquiring about me. It was a good feeling to come home today and find my in-bin overflowing. A little overwhelming, perhaps, but a good feeling none-the-less.
My doctor’s appointment last Friday led to an immediate admission to the hospital. I had gained so much fluid that my heart was being over-worked, and there was still no clear reason why this was happening. Six days of diuretics, a pelvic ultra-sound, a liver MRI, a liver biopsy via julgular catheterization, another echocardiogram, and countless vials of blood later we now know why the fluid is building up inside of me.
For reasons still unclear, I have gone into chronic liver failre. My liver is enlarged and scarred and is no long able to work normally. It’s still working well enough that I’m in no imminent danger, so long as we can keep the fluid build-up under control. We’re not sure what’s damaged my liver, since all the tests for disease and toxins have come back negative so far. At this point, though, it hardly matters. Even if we can determine why, it won’t change the fact that I will require a liver transplant.
This actually is good news. My prognosis post-transplant is excellent. When I went into the hospital my physician and I were thinking ovarian cancer. Fortunately, this is not the case. It appears that I am simply being faced with one more bullet to be dodged this lifetime. I’m beginning to think I should purchase stock in Kevlar.
It seems I will be on disability for a good long while, though. And I’m not sure what my prospects for continued employment in my current capacity are, since I will be on immunosuppresents, and my job exposes me to some pretty nasty stuff every day. As The Socialist says though, we’ll just take it one day at a time. Things will resolve themselves.
Right now, I’m an interesting mix of tired, frightened, relieved, exasperated, depressed, and optimistic. I want to take time out for one big pity-party for myself, but I’ve got too much to do to waste it on that shit.
I found out the news Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday night I told the Socialist. I told him that I understood that this this not what he signed up for when he disrupted his life to move three thousand miles and be with me, and I’d not blame him in the least if he wanted to bail. He made it perfectly clear that he was standing by me throughout this entire thing. So I did the only logical thing available to me.
I proposed to him.
We hope to be able to marry sometime before the transplant itself takes place.
With apologies to SONIAdada:
The truth
It hurts to say
I’m gonna pack up your bags
And send you away
You’re going to have to split
Just can’t stand it
Cause you gave it up and quit
And you ain’t never coming back
But before you get to going
I got to say
I know you used to love me
But that was yesterday
And the truth
I can’t hide it
When the love stops burning bright
You got to do what’s right
Liver, liver, liver
You don’t treat me no go no more
Before you get to going
I got to say
There was a time baby when you
Used to shake it for me but now
All you do is treat me cold
Ain’t gonna take it no more
So just walk out the door
I wake up blue
Almost every night
And I’m hurting so bad
‘Cause you don’t treat me right.
Liver
You know you hate to go
But you’re so mean to me baby
So just walk out that door
I know you used to love me
In every way
But now I’m giving you up
I’m tired of crying all day
I can’t stand it no more
It hurts me to say
But I’m packin’ up your bags
and you’re going far away
Hey, if you can’t joke about it, what’s the point of living through it?
Oh ((((((((pali)))))))
I am so relieved you are back firstly, and now feel so terrible about what is going on 🙁
This seems so unfair.
You have a heap of people that are sending you love and that has to help.
You really getting married??
Can I be a bridesmaid? Pleeeeeeeeesssssssseeeeeeeeee???????
🙂
CK
*runs to empty out her pocket money to see if it will cover the flight there*
I don’t know whether to cry for joy over your seriously unexpected engagement, or to cry for the pain & discomfort you endured during those tests in the hospital, or to cry for the fear you must be feeling over the future liver transplant, or to cry with relief that your sense of humour is still very much intact…
one thing is for sure. This entry is a tear-jerker.
I’m just glad the health news isn’t as bad as it could have been, and sorry that it’s not as good as it could have been.
I’m happy for you though – you seem to have found some sort of inner peace through all of this.
Thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery, a long life of happiness post-surgery, and a wealth of humour to get you through the tougher times.
I had a feeling you were in the hospital. I kept haunting your diary in hopes of an update 🙂 But true to form – I’m Miss Pollyanna you know – I’m going to point out the silver lining…..
START WRITING YOUR BOOK!!!!!!!!!
(insert big cheesy grin here)
Perhaps you will find time while waiting for a transplant and recuperating to treat the world to a wonderful story.
~QE
Oh and……BEST WISHES on the marriage. How could I have forgotten that!!!
~QE
it looks like tuesday wasn’t our day. something must’ve been in the stars….
i am stunned…..just when i was thinking of you the other day…this 8(. what a total bummer. if you don’t want to have a pity party, i’ll have it for you. perhaps, i could send out evites???
man, pal, god. i just don’t know what to say. that entry has left me speechless (typeless, i guess). jade said it all.
(((((((((((palimpsest}}}}}}}}}}}
sigh.
You know franny and I are here for you guys if you need us.
A new liver and an upcoming marriage! :))))))))
That’s an eye-opener and NO mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*squeals* The "M" word?!
In a way, I’m glad I found out earlier about your medical problem. Now after reading this entry, I’m not reeling from the bad news and can express great joy that you’ve found such love that you want to make it permanent. I can remember when you were a long way from such thoughts. Best wishes to you and him.
*tosses log on fire*
=*)
Aaaaaaarrrrooooooooooooooooooo
OMG!!! I’m so glad you’ve found out what was wrong and that it’s something that can be "fixed". I was so worried about you while you were out and I found myself thinking of you quite a bit. I thought about emailing you, but had a feeling that you were in the hospital and couldn’t make it to a computer. Guess I was right. I think my jaw hit my desk though when you said you proposed!! Congratulations! I can only imagine how much it meant to you that he wanted to stand by you through all of this. You are both truly lucky to have found each other. I’m very very happy for you!! 🙂 Much love and well wishes, Jen
the boy sends his condolences about your health. and we’re both congratulating you on your upcoming nuptuals. i’m hoping that through it all, this turns out to be a new and happy time in the life of palimpsest.
Am leaving comments 2 U private til I turn the page on the Roast Beef reference in my diary, just to be on the safe side.
A gal who can propose the same week she writes a get-lost song to an ailing liver has great attitude. So glad to hear that a gameplan for attacking the problem has been established. Go Pali!
DRAT!!! I forgot to click the Private box the 2nd time I editted. You can delete these 2 comments if you want. ;}
Aha! I found the first Salamander Liver diary link! Yippie!
(I’m using this research for you as an excuse to not do laundry and my calculus homework. I may be here a while!)
Alli