Singing the Prograf Blues
The Socialist phoned me again this morning, this time from Tennessee. It looks like he’ll be home by tomorrow. Sorry cats, but it looks like you’ll be kicked out of the bedroom after tonight. I suspect the Grey Menace is going to have her nose out of joint for a bit; she’d gotten used to sleeping tucked up next to me, and usually stayed the entire night.
I had another check up at Big City Hospital this morning. They don’t want me back for four months now. My next appointment isn’t until May fourth. I got one of the doctors I like, for a change, and he was good enough to let me look through my charts. Everything is well within normal limits, except for the creatinine (which reflects kidney function) was a tad high, as was the level of immunosuppressant in my system. It looks like they may lower the immunosuppressants again, after the results from today’s bloodwork are reviewed. That means that the headaches, joint aches, shaking hands and puffy legs may all ease off a bit. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but my fingers are crossed.
The check up may have gone great, but the wait was interminable. I had an 8:30 appointment. I was seen at 10:30. I didn’t get to work until after noon. From what I understand, one of the doctors that does the transplant clinic was called away to an emergency surgery, and so they were short-staffed and falling behind. When I finally finished, it was nearly 11:00. I noticed at the checkout window that they had a support group meeting at 12:00 that day. I was sorely tempted to stay for it, but I couldn’t justify taking yet more time off of work. If I work a few extra hours each day this week, I should be able to make up the time, and not have to use half a personal day. That plan of attack doesn’t allow for any extra time off though.
I feel like I should be writing more, like I should have more to say. I’m still unsettled from last night’s news though.
Oh, Sal, how very sad. Please don’t feel badly for not wanting the horse. Your plate was already heaping, and as for the lack of communication, well, that is something that is common when we don’t wish to disappoint others. I’m sure your ex got many hours of pleasure out of old Two Speed. You did your best in taking care of him even though you didn’t have the time or the inclination, you still DID it. As kind as you are, I’m sure the ex and Two Speed never knew how you felt about that particular Christmas present. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are really quite wonderful.
Love,
~Cali
I am sorry you are sad. But I am sure that two Speed was as content as could be.
Every vet I know holds adamantly that living things should not be given as gifts (well, plants, maybe) unless your sure the receiver wants it, and your ex should have known better. I can see mourning the lack of communication there, but I don’t believe you should shoulder too much of the blame. It’s apparent you did the best you could by this pony, even if you didn’t want him. And there are some things you shouldn’t have to communicate. If he’d been the least bit attentive to your schedule and needs, he’d have known without your having to drop hints…"In case anyone was wondering, I don’t want a horse for Christmas. I don’t want a new gas grill, either. Or a pair of fuzzy toe-socks." {{you}}
i can relate to what you said about what you mourn… Keep in mind that while it may be too late for that time in your life, it is not too late for the present or the future. i life filled with no mistakes, is a life empty of lessons learned.
We have all been there in some capacity. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
(((((((((hugs)))))))) Not sure what else to say to make you feel a bit better about the passing of Two.
It sounds like Two Speed had a great life, as great as any horse can hope for anyway. You showed him care and companionship even when you didn’t have time or desire. You sacrificed for him when you could have given him away. Don’t mourn the loss, revel in the memories.
An animal for a gift, it just doesn’t seem to work out… I’m sorry for your loss… but more importantly…We got another peek into your interesting life. Riding through lava fields in Iceland, how cool.
~QE
(((((Sal)))))
=*(
Lava fields in Iceland… I have to see pictures of this.
Hello there! It was good to hear from you too. Your entry about "Two" was so well-written. (((Salamander))), don’t be so hard on yourself. We live and learn don’t we?
Love,
Star
((HUGS))
Reading through your first entry was hard as I had a feeling about the ending.
One of the reasons I never sold Shah as intended was because I was sure no one could ever love or take care of him the way we could. Why I felt/feel that way I don’t know, as it is crazy. I know Tuffy misses all the TLC he got before we bought him, but I think he is a happier horse here than being stuck in a stall all the time. Life is a trade-off. Two sounds like he had a great life and the timing wasn’t the best when he came into yours. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
On another note, that darn KfH2 just showed up after doing a disappearing act for almost 24 hours in the worse weather of the year. He doesn’t smell like hay, so who knows where that stinker slept. It was 20 degrees last night.
After re-reading this entry, I find it reminds me of an entry written by my friend Rachel (Rachel’s Diner in the pull down link in my footer). Her sister had a dog, that Rachel never really felt attached to, but was still upset when it died. I think you two shared similar feelings, only Two belonged to you. I’m sure the pony lived a happy life, and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty. I know you did then and might still now, but there’s nothing that can be done now. I hope that you are feeling better now, and I hope you will continue to feel better over time. What time can take away, it can heal.
That’s a sad space to be in. You might feel more keenly with Socialist away and his recent loss.
I was in that position several times, of receiving unsuitable gifts. I didn’t manage to be as graceful as you, but it didn’t seem to make much difference. With some men, it’s only about them, isn’t it? Not much we can do about that.
Love and hugs @>—;—-
from Jenny
He’s beautiful. 🙁