The Idiot Princess and the Pea

I mentioned a few episodes ago that the Little Grey Shit has been diagnosed with feline triad syndrome (pancreatitis, cholehepatitis, colitis). We caught it early, and it’s been pretty responsive to steroids, Flagyl and Ursodiol (which thins the bile, helping the bile empty from the liver and gallbladder to prevent inflammation).

Steroids tend to give dogs and people very large appetites. Cats are supposedly less affected, but LGS is the exception to the rule. She finishes her bowl of high protein/low carbohydrate canned cat food in record time and immediately checks her sister-cats’ bowls in case they haven’t eaten as quickly as she did. I’ve caught her numerous times shoving LBrS and LBlS out of their bowls and attempting to finish their dinners for them.

Keep in mind that LGS is not the Alpha cat (the Warrior Princess lays claim to that crown, even in her senior citizenship). LGS isn’t Beta or Gamma cat either (LBrS and LBLS seem to trade off on those positions). She isn’t even Delta or Epsilon cat (and we don’t have any cats that fill those positions). If any cat was born a professional victim, it was LGS, the Omega Cat … except when she’s on steroids and it’s suppertime.

Steroids have apparently impacted the heirarchy in terms of food dominance, and the other cats seem to be too shocked to respond. They look at LGS as she eats their food with “WTF” expressions on their little fuzzy faces. Picture Al Capone having his semi-automatic taken away from him by Funky Winkerbean, and you have the general idea.

This lust for food is what I believe drove LGS outdoors to graze on day lily leaves a few weeks back. Ordinarily she’s afraid of the suburban wilderness outside the kitchen door, but steroid hunger apparently overcame this agoraphobia of hers.

Because of this amazing tendency she’s developed of eating anything that isn’t wrapped in Star Trek tritanium alloy, LGS has bulked out. From her original svelte 9 lbs 15-ish ounces she’s grown to 10 lbs 7 oz. LGS has a barely observable waist now, and is no longer quite as light on her feet when she jumps down to the floor from the counter, where she spends a great deal of time trying to raid the cabinets. (No, I’m not lying. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.)

LGS is so desperate for food that she will beg when I’m eating, even when I’m eating something she wouldn’t touch in a million years. For example, last night I was eating what the Prof calls “Chinese Chex mix”, a mixture of spicy rice crackers, little brown and white balls containing peanuts and soy beans and spicy wasabi peas. LGS knocked the custard cup I had filled with the mix out of my hand and the contents spilled on the floor. I scooped up as much as I could find, then pulled out the brush and dust pan to get the rest. The “NO!” I let out scared the little idiot into the next room, so she never had a chance to sample the ill-gotten goods.

In spite of her good appetite, I worry about a recurrence of the pancreatitis. A major sign for LGS is vomiting up clear fluid. After returning from shopping today, I settled down on the sofa in the den, with LGS trotting after me. The first thing she did was settle on the glass table in front of me and start to retch. After about a tablespoon of clear, frothy fluid came up she jumped down, ran into the kitchen and began to retch again. I watched her, debating whether or not to call the vet when she brought up a small, dark object. On closer inspection I found she’d barfed up a wasabi pea. It would seem that my clean-up from last night wasn’t as thorough as I thought.

I have less and less sympathy for this cat.