A postmark to February 1st.

This will make a lot more sense if you read yesterday’s entry, but it still won’t make a lot of sense to most people I’m afraid.

Comment From: Shay4l

Date Posted: 1 Feb 2002

Someone can be interesting and funny and fun to be friendly with, any yet still do the wrong thing. Toying with your emotions and friendship apparently bothers me more than it does you, so I applaud you for your equanimity. You are very forgiving!

You know, I thought a lot about that last night. And realized how badly I misrepresented myself yesterday. NoseyNancy, DearJohn and PerilousPauline do deserve pity. And I do pity them. It isn’t the only thing I feel toward them though.

DearJohn is a cry-baby, with the emphasis on “baby”. NoseyNancy is the cyberspace equivalent of an ambulance chaser. I feel contempt towards the pair of them. Interesting mix, that: pity and contempt. It’s the pity that keeps me from ripping NoseyNancy a new one when she visits our board. It’s the contempt that keeps me from speaking with her at all.

As for Pauline … I’m hurt. Shay, I actually spoke to The Buttress on the phone because he lives very close to where she supposedly went to school. I wanted him to be aware of what was going on, in case she needed someone right on the spot if something happened. I let Pauline know, so that they could make arrangements to meet, should she want to. Considering her situation, I figured she wouldn’t want to be dependent on a complete stranger if she needed to call for help. Of course, Pauline’s “Daddy” showed up shortly after that. And I was too stupid to make the connection.

Equinimical? No, not me. I really hope she never shows up in our little section of cyberspace again, so I don’t have to decide how to deal with her. I’m hurt, I’m confused, and I feel like an utter rube. I knew better, and yet I still took her at face value. I do pity her as well, but it’s the disembodied and inert pity one reserves for murderers who turn out to have had abusive childhoods and presidents who make stupid mistakes in their private lives and get found out. The pity I feel for Pauline isn’t worth a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

No, I’m not particularly noble, and if I gave that interpretation of myself I apologize for the misrepresentation. I am not particularly forgiving. The whole crew of them can rot in Hell at this point, so far as I care. And they can throw the DutchScotchman down on top of them for the extra compost.