Am I happy?
I had a friend (who I’ve noted is a tad more insightful and observant than your average person) observe to me recently that I haven’t seemed happy for a while. He’s right, of course. At least, he’s right on one level. Not being happy doesn’t mean that you know what’s making you unhappy, though.
I have just moved into a place that is ideally suited to me. I have pets that (for whatever reason) appear to adore me; one of them is curled up in my lap at this very moment, and apparently can’t decide if she wants to burble or purr. I have a job that fits me better than anything I could have ever hoped for when I graduated four years ago. I am living with a man who(for whatever reason) adores me. I have money in the bank (not enough, but who ever has enough?). So what else is it I want?
I remember back, five years ago, when I got sick. For the couple of weeks leading up to the Big Episode, I was cranky, tired, impatient, and stressed. This, even though I was just starting what would have been the easiest semester in veterinary school I’d have. I look at me now, and see the same signs. How long has this illness been creeping up on me? In retrospect, I know it’s been longer than four weeks. More importantly, if this is just another aspect of the illness talking; is this something I can take by the horns and turn around?
I hope so. If I keep this up, I’m going to drive away everyone around me.
not everyone, pal. not val.
That mind body connection is pretty powerful. I’m sorry that you haven’t been happy. :/ I’m sorry that you’re unwell. I have no real tangible help to offer, except to note that I just read a study that suggests that listening to music releases endorphins. It certainly seems to cheer me up. Here’s hoping for better days.
I know it is easier said than done, but try to relax and not stress! Your system doesn’t need any extra cortisol right now. Sounds like you might be feeling a bit unsettled. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have these feelings and your friends will understand.