You win.

Someone reading this has done something to hurt me. It was not an accidental slight. This was mean-spirited, malicious and required some small amount of preparation. Please, don’t e-mail me to ask if it was you. If you aren’t sure, then it wasn’t you. If you are sure, you really won’t have any reason to write to me. I will try to give you what you desire here.

To the one who did this thing: I want you to have the satisfaction of knowing that it worked. You did indeed hurt me.

In order to get at me, you hurt someone else. You hurt them worse than you hurt me, in fact. I want you to have the satisfaction of knowing you were successful in this as well.

I want to give you the satisfaction of knowing that I cry “uncle”. In front of witnesses I acknowledge that you are the winner in whatever this contest is. You win; I lose.

I am hoping that my public admission that I am the loser in this will be sufficient for you. I hereby grant you permission to tell everyone who is aware of this prank you pulled that I publicly declared that I am a loser. In fact, I encourage you to cut and paste this entry and post it to anyone who was “in” on the joke, so that they can all appreciate the punch line along with you. For this one entry only I suspend any copyrights I possess on this journal. Have yourself a good time.

I wish you joy in this victory. Take joy in the fact that you have indeed proved you are the superior person. Let it be so much joy that you put your disdain of me aside and find a way to move on to other things.

Please, take enough joy in this that you never feel the need to hurt another person in my name again.