I should be ashamed of myself.

My ex-husband is a pack rat. Not your average pack rat, mind you. He was almost pathologic in his inability to pass up the opportunity to obtain certain items. At one point in our married life we owned four tractors (one worked, some of the time), five cars (two worked, one was completely disassembled and two were “future projects”), and I genuinely do not know how many lawnmowers (only one of which worked). Understand that we lived on a one-acre lot.

Well, I purchased a piece of furniture over the weekend, requiring me to get rid of an old metal office desk that I have in the apartment. I have this desk because of The Ex, who told me to take it because I was taking little else in the way of furniture and it was good as a project table. I’ve actually never used it as a project table, and in fact have regretted being talked into taking it. Getting rid of the thing is a problem – too big for the dumpster, too inconvenient to try to sell it for the few bucks it’s worth, and no place to store it against need. But I figured out a way to not only get rid of it, but how to get it carried out of my apartment and trucked away, at no expense to myself. I e-mailed the ex. “Remember that old desk? I can’t keep it any more, so it’s going out with next week’s trash.”

Those two innocent little lines embedded in an e-mail earned an immediate response. He’d like the desk back and will pick it up this week. I should feel guilty. I have no clue what he’s going to do with this desk. He already has two or three desks at the house, as I recall. I’m taking advantage of a terrible weakness of his. But I’m mostly feeling pleased with myself for resolving my problem so neatly.

Why do I need to get rid of the desk? Right now it’s occupying space in my dining nook. Space that I’m going to require for setting up my brand new dining room hutch. I got the new hutch for the kitten.

Kittens are expensive. The actual cost of a kitten is cheap (the Kitten from Hell came free of charge). But the KfH evidently is the result of crossbreeding a cat with a kangaroo, because there is now no shelf in the apartment she cannot leap to. Friday night she made her first successful leap to the top of my curio cabinet, one of the highest pieces of furniture I own. I’d hidden the turtle’s food up on top, in an attempt to get it out of her reach. She managed to knock down the turtle’s food which spilled all over the living room carpet (her main objective, I’m sure). She also knocked over but did not break the Balleek teacup I gave to my mother when I was in my teens, and which my mother treasured. KfH also pushed the cut glass bowl that my great-grandmother brought from Germany to the very edge of the curio. Nothing valuable was broken. But I know when I’m beaten. And KfH has won.

Sunday we went to Ikea and I purchased a hutch with doors, drawers and cabinet storage. She may be able to leap, but I do not believe she has figured out doors yet. (Please, please, please don’t let her figure out doors.)

I also bought myself new dishware over the weekend (remember the shattered plate KfH incident from last week?). What remains of the old stuff will be returned to the ex as well, since we split our stoneware 50/50. He’s only getting back a little more than half of what I took, thanks to the kitten and some attrition during my move. But at least he does have the rest of the set, which is a match for the rag-tag pieces I’ll be returning to him.

So let’s see, how much has the kitten cost me so far? About $50 in food, about $5 in fuzzy mice toys, about $125 in vet bills, another $200 in replacement dinnerware, and $700 for a hutch. When I take her in to be spayed, it’ll be another $100+. The cheapest part of the kitten is definitely the kitten.