Most unlike me.

I’m not a big fan of mass-forwarding an email joke that has already been mass-forwarded to a million other people on its way to my in-bin. Today being what it has been though, it seemed not only appropriate but mandatory that I include this in my daily chronicles.

Subject: Things To Say When Stressed At Work

Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2003 11:28:38 -0400

THINGS TO SAY WHEN STRESSED AT WORK!

1. “Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.”

2. “You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.”

3. “Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.”

4. “Well, aren’t we a bloody ray of sunshine?”

5. “Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.”

6. “Do I look like a people person?”

7. “This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.”

8. “I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.”

9. “Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.”

10. “Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?”

11. “I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.”

12. “Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.”

13. “Do they ever shut up on your planet?”

14. “I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable”.

15. “Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.”

16. “Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.”

17. “Don’t worry. I forgot your name too.”

18. “I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.”

19. “Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.”

20. “Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.”

21. “Chaos, panic and disorder ….. my work here is done.”

22. “Ambivalent? Well yes and no.”

23. “You look like shit. Is that the style now?”

24. “Earth is full. Go home.”

25. “Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?”

26. “I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.”

27. “A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.”

28. “You are depriving some village of an idiot.”

29. “If assholes could fly, this place would be a fucking airport